The Power of the English Language ;)

Dear Madam, 

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. 

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. 

My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce alot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. 

Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. 

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. 

Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. 

I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. 

That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. 

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. 

If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. 

So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. 

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon, 

Yours and only yours, 

Choudhary Bashir Warraich born by mother in Okara and become big n Lahore , Punjab  

The Reasons Men Love Women

They will always smell good even if its just shampoo.

The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.

How cute they look when they sleep.

The ease in which they fit into our arms.

The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.

How cute they are when they eat.

The way they take hours to get dressed, but in the end it makes it all worth while.

Because they are always warm even when it's minus 30 outside.

The way they look good no matter what they wear.

How cute they are when they argue.

The way her hand always finds yours.

The way they smile.

The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight.

The way she says "lets not fight anymore," even though you know that an hour later...

The way they kiss when you do something nice for them.

The way they kiss you when you say "I Love You."

Actually ... just the way they kiss you...

The way they fall into your arms when they cry.

Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.

The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.

Then the way apologize when it does hurt. (Even though we don't admit it)!

The way they say "I miss you."

The way you miss them.

The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore...

The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth...
 

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them,wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not.

Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world,they become everything to you.

When you look them in the eyes,traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart.
 

We love them for a million reasons,

No paper would do it justice.

It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

A feeling, only felt.

funny but inspirational....:)

Here's some things to ponder on that concerns life in general....

• o   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me the hell alone.
• o   The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
• o   It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
• o   No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• o   Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• o   It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
• o   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
• o   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• o   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• o   If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• o   Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
• o   Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
• o   Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• o   The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
• o   Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• o   There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
• o   Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• o   Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• o   We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Aren't old people smart?

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE  

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.  

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However,

struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

 

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she

was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?

 

"The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk

you there but I can't carry this lot.  "The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of

paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry

the goose in your other hand?"  "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

 

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."  

 

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband

to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the

wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

 

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens,

and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

 

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top

of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens".................................:)